George Karl: “Look, Larry, I know this may seem a little sudden… we
did just trade away the defensive player of the year for cash considerations, AI looks kinda washed-up, and lord knows my frontcourt can’t play more than 20 games without tearing a labia… but I’ve given it a lot of thought: You’re the thing I’ve been waiting for my whole life, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
(holds up hand)
“… PLEASE!... let me finish…
I’m crazy about you. I’ve never felt this way about anything. You make it so easy for me to tell you my innermost desires. (chuckles) Listen to me! I feel like a schoolboy again!.... a schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.”
(Larry O’Brien trophy walks in from the bathroom)
NBA championship Larry O’Brien trophy: “were you talking to someone?”
(George Karl nervously laughs)
George Karl: “Larry?... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy…”
NBA championship Larry O’Brien trophy: “…Maybe I should be going now…”
George Karl: “No, no… that’s not what I meant. I meant… I really like you, Larry. I like
you a lot.”
“I’m gonna ask you something flat out, and I want you to answer me
honestly: what do you think the chances are of a girl like me, and a guy like you ending up together?”
NBA championship Larry O’Brien trophy: “that’s difficult to say. I mean we hardly—
George Karl: “come on, I asked you to be honest Larry, I broke off an all-night binge
drinking session with Don Nelson and two asian hookers to come see you, the least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?”
NBA championship Larry O’Brien trophy: “not good.”
George Karl: “you mean not good, like… one out of a hundred?”
NBA championship Larry O’Brien trophy: “I’d say more like one out of a million…”
(wait for it)
(wait for it)
(wait for it!)
(WAIT FOR IT!!)
George Karl: “…. So you’re telling me there’s a Chauncey….”
(HOO!)
Yeah… the nuggets got a Chauncey… they got a Chauncey to win it all.
Hold up though, let’s not get carried away. Take a step back, Nugget and non-nugget fan alike, and look how far them Nugs have come. Times of success too often force us to look to the future, without acknowledging the past, and blinding us from the present.
It is the past that separates Nuggets fan from most every other fan in the NBA. It is the past that keeps them hungry, it is the past that makes them human. It is in the past where Nuggets fans have learned the patience of Mother Theresa, the tolerance of the good Dr. King, and the endurance and perseverance of one of those freaky Kenyan Olympians.
Oh the horrors you have seen Nuggets fan. 24 years since the last appearance into the Western Conference finals. I wasn’t even an idea yet. Bill Hanzlik was a professional athlete, that’s how long ago that is…. (serious question: how does Bill Hanzlik still have employment? He can’t even look at the camera for more than 30 seconds without checking his ‘notes.’ What ‘notes’ do you have? How hard is it to memorize Carmelo’s stat-line? What are you even looking at? Why are you still stuttering? You’ve been doing this for 10 damn years and you’re as nervous as a nazi on judgment day. I’m just sayin’ I know there’s someone out there, anywhere, who could do a better job… like this chair that I’m sitting on, or maybe that broomstick in the corner… that broomstick’s got charisma) …. The nugget fan has seen heroes English, Dikembe, and Antonio never get over the hump. The nugget fan has endured the pains of keith van horn…and Nikoloz … motherfuckin…Tskitishvili.
(typically this is where I would go off on a tangent about Tskitishvili and the chump gm who brought him in.. you know who you are. How the nuggets passed on Amare Stoudamire, how it set the franchise back years, how the only thing the nuggets got out of him was eduardo najera… who I hate… but of course I’m over it. No tangent necessary…)
It is the past, that also allows nugget fan to truly enjoy the present. Think about how far we’ve come. George Karl is wearing a tie. We actually know what Stan Kroenke looks like. (I always thought he was the banker from deal or no deal) Nugget fan is watching basketball after May 1st. Nugget OPPONENTS are complaining about officiating. The Nuggets have an altitude advantage all of a sudden. There’s a nugget bandwagon? The LAKERS are the emotionally unstable team in the playoffs.
It’s the smaller things in life one should really appreciate. The laughter of a child, smile of a girlfriend, a parents’ pride, Mark ‘more like Haitian’ Cuban pushing a camera man, birdman sending weak ass shit into the first row. It was not too long ago when Tim Duncan was going entire playoff games without earning a foul, when Kenyon wanted to go fisticuffs with George Karl, when Carmelo Anthony and company ‘quit.’
Slap Hands! I like you!
And because of all this, we can now look to the future. George Karl will make sweet sweet love to that trophy. If not this year, then next. Even the casual NBA fan can see the power change happening in the league. Boston was a one hit wonder of old guys tryin to make it one last time; like velvet revolver, audioslave, and the latest ozzy osbourne band. The Spurs are too old, and the Pistons don’t have Chauncey anymore.
Who wins championships? Teams do. And who is the best TEAM right now? The Nuggets. When I say “team,” this is what I mean; if an opponent is able to take away your main offensive option… say… LeBron James, do you have the resources available to find another way to win? I’ve seen Carmelo semi-neutralized in game 4 of the hornets-Nuggets series, and NeNe and Chauncey took over. I’ve seen Chauncey held to 6 points a couple turnovers and 2 assists, and Carmelo and JR Smith took over. I’ve seen Carmelo, Chauncey, NeNe, and Kenyon struggle to score any points at all, only to have JR Smith, Birdman, and Anthony Carter each reach double digit scoring totals to win the game.
The forward-thinking side of me foresees a potential spurs-like dynasty. Because when you look at it, the Nugs are a younger and more athletic spurs. The forward-thinking side of me foresees Denver becoming a basketball town (the Broncos sucking will help that out). The forward-thinking side of me foresees the new great championship rivalry as LeBron v. Melo. Luckily, my forward-thinking side is my good side.
The point is, Furious George and the Nuggets wouldn’t be where they are today, just as Nugget fan wouldn’t be as passionate today, if it wasn’t for the trials and tribulations of the past. When a franchise has never won anything, how does it know how to win? It learned that you need a complete team, starters to bench, to be a good team. It learned that having multiple ball-hogging superstars on the court at the same time doesn’t win in the playoffs. It learned not to draft European foreign players. It still hasn’t learned that Bill Hanzlik keeps Altitude Sports and Entertainment JV. But, it truly learned that stalwart defense foremost, with touch of dominating offense…wins championships.
Look, I’m not sayin’ everything I’ve said is a lock to happen… I’m just tellin’ you there’s a Chauncey.
*note: Nancy Pelosi said she didn't "know" about CIA interrogation tactics until 2003, just like A-Rod only took steroids from 2001-2003. I believe both of them for sure... Awaiting the Pelosi-Madonna sex scandal to be exposed in the near future.
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