Speaking of slumps.
The Colorado Rockies are not the chumps of the playoffs. Finishing with the third best record in the National League did not happen by accident. And if Jim Tracy is the club's manager from the beginning... are we looking at a 100 game winning team? Eh... maybe not, but give your props... grudgingly... to the Monforts and Dealin' Dan O'Dowd. All but one level of the Rockies organization from Single-A to the majors, has made the playoffs. What I'm saying is, we may have misjudged the Monforts and their seemingly thrifty spending habits. So the Rox can't compete capital-wise with the big spending Yankees, Dodgers, etc. And that's fine. What we now have to wait and see is if the vaunted farm system continues to churn out homegrown superstars like Troy Tulowitzki and Ubaldo Jimenez, and what we really have to wait for, is if the owners will make the commitment to investing in the right superstars long term. What I'm saying is, if Tulo is not the Helton-like face of the franchise until the end of the world, or when he retires, whichever comes first, we will know the Rockies are owned by the same cheapasses we've all come to know and hate. If you don't believe me... listen to Tracy, and I quote:
"It's a lot like where we were in Los Angeles,'' Tracy said. "You can see a nucleus at the big-league level, and you can see the talent in the minor-league system that makes you feel you could be at the start of a six-, seven-, eight-year run.''
Gotta make Rocky fan feel good. I know it makes me downright giddy about the Rockies being at least legitimately competitive for the next decade. What more can you ask for?
But I digress from the slump.
Brad. Hawpe.
If the Rox are going to do anything in Rocktober, it will be because the artist formerly known as all star Brad Hawpe pulls it together already. The artist formerly known as Brad Hawpe's month to month stats:
April: .328 BA, 2 HR, 16 RBI
May: .361 BA, 5 HR, 23 RBI
June: .308 BA, 6 HR, 17 RBI
July: .250 BA, 2 HR, 7 RBI
August: .258 BA, 4 HR, 13 RBI
September: .194 BA, 2 HR, 7 RBI
If you've been following the Rockies since the beginning of the season (here's looking at you bandwagon fan), you remember when the artist was batting cleanup. And you've slowly watched his batting average drop like the value of mortgage backed securities circa 2008.
Now sure, Tulo has managed to carry the slumping bottom of the lineup. But is it too much to have both? If they do the Rox have a top to bottom lineup that is easily better than any in the National League, not to mention the American League. Throw in the new and improved starting rotation and daft if Rocktober does not yield a bonafide World Series contender. Lock it up Hawpe! Only you can bring me out of my slump.
Let's go Rox, on to the picks.
Last week ATS: 7-7
All time ATS: 31-31... I'm just mr. consistency.
Home team in CAPS. Lines as of Sportsbook.com (October 8)
Song du jour... The song that describes my feelings after last week's loss. I'm still in mourning that my football year is already over in week 5.
Dallas Cowboys (-8.5) over KANSAS SHITTY
Psh. I duno who cares.
CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3.5) over Washington Derogatory Native American References
I originally thought the Redskins-Cowboys rivalry was dead. But really it could not be more alive. The two most overpaid, uninspired teams in the league going head to head for most overpaid uninspired team. Not to mention inevitable off-season drama of who cleans house most violently, and who gets Mike Shanahan. I'll save the rest of my rap for when they play each other... but who gives a crap about the Carolina Panthers?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+15) cover PHILTHADELPHIA EAGLES
Boy thank god Saint Tony Dungy is around to mentor, nurture, and make Michael Vick extremely uncomfortable. I never really got this whole arrangement. First off, who decided Tony Dungy was this Gollum looking father-figure to every troubled soul in the League. I mean Vick really only has to not do one thing to keep a job right? So what does he do? You can just see Vick's voice mailbox full of unanswered Dungy calls like:
You have... fif... teen... unheard voice messages.
First unheard message
"Heeeyy Mike... It's Tony. Just wanted to see how you're doing. I guess I missed you again, hope you're not dousing a Labra-doodle and attaching it to a powered car battery! Call me!"
next... unheard message
"Hey Mike! Tony again! Just wanted to call and see how you're doing... remember what we talked about all those nights in prison. Don't start a multi-hundred-thousand dollar underground dog fighting ring! God Bless!"
next... unheard message
"Miiike?... This is Tony. Now I know you're screening my call cause I only got through the first part of the Baha Men's chorus. Hey look, I'm going to be out of town for a couple days and I'm looking for a place to keep my dog. I'll be over tomorrow with my Bible. Remember, Thou Shalt not kill canines!"
etc. etc. etc.
The funny thing is. Not only is it near impossible for him to start another backyard deathpit because the feds are undeniably watching his ass, not to mention every media outlet and Ed Werder. But no one cares! Seriously, all we heard about all summer is how PETA and every red-blooded American will be out in arms protesting Vick, the Eagles, and everything the NFL stands for. Instead... we get this:
No, this is not a picture of the Iranian presidential protests. There are more casual fans in the picture than there are protesters, in a picture of protesters. How come no one is stopping for a sticker? What do we learn from this? This is the NFL, short of being a fascist dictator or engaging in racial genocide, all we care about is our team winning in the League. Damn the NFL kicks ass.
Jokeland Raiders (+15) cover NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS
What's the deal with all these fifteen point spreads? Yeah the Raiders are a joke, but I mean, fifteen? Anyway Eli has "plantar fasciitis" (pulled labea) and might not play anyway. Classic trap game.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (-8.5) over Cincinnati Bengals
I'm undefeated on my Ravens picks. 'nuff said.
Minnesota Vikings (-10) over ST. LOUIS RAMS
The Rams are for sale! How can we not love the idea of Rush Limbaugh as a possible NFL owner. Every missed call can be tied to a democrat or socialist conspiracy theory. Not to mention a public attack on the NFL's revenue sharing program as socialist, it's socialist draft, and its left-wing media spin on the Rams floundering franchise.
Speaking of socialism. What do sports say about individual societies? The most capitalist country in the World, the United States, structures its sports leagues the most socialist way. Our leagues have drafts to make sure everyone is competitive. The revenue sharing among leagues insures every team can pay their players to remain competitive. Salary caps put a limit on how much one rich guy can spend so as not to gain a competitive advantage. So on and So on. Meanwhile, "socialist" Europe structures their leagues as a purely capitalist system. European football (soccer) leagues have no draft. No salary cap. No revenue sharing (to my knowledge). They build their club from internal recruiting and youth leagues, gain their money from sponsorships and marketing, and pay their players however ungodly amount they think they are worth at no thought to the bottom feeders that can't do the same. Is this funny? Ironic? Or do you just not care?
Cleveland Brownies (+6) cover BUFFALO BILLS
Quite possibly the most uninteresting game of all time. Save the fact that I need recent pick-up Jerome Harrison to step out as a legitimate fantasy back. Depressing that my comeback is reliant on some rook clown on the Brownies. I'm in a life-wide slump!
Pittsburgh Steelers (-10.5) over DETROIT LIONS
I am picking way too many away teams... Hey Rashard Mendenhall finally looked like an athlete. Congratulations Pittsburgh.. it's all coming up your way... Rush Limbaugh is calling on an Obama led conspiracy.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-2.5) over Hotlanta Falcons
Coincidence Michael Crabtree starts talking about signing after I called him out last week? I think not. I estimate from my Adsense reports that there are about 25-50 of you that actually read this.... or like 5 of you that just read this over and over again. I'm just honored to have big Mike Crabtree as one of them. Fuck MC hammer, I'm the one that made this happen.
Houston Hustonians (+5.5) over ARIZONA CARDINALS
These teams are mirror images of each other. Crap shoot pick of the week.
New England Patriots (-3) over DENVER BRONCOS
I hope the donkeys don't win another game.
TENNESSEE TITANS (+3.5) cover Indianapolis Colts
The team I underrated the most so far, going against the team I overrated the most so far. This is a must win for the Titans. And if they lose, the God's go honest last time I will bet on the Titans this season. I swear this time.
New York Football Jets (-2) over MIAMI DOLPHINS
The phins only win when I don't bet on them.... I'M SLUMPIN'!
Posts
Poor poor Lance
ReplyDelete