- Life is good without Glen Davis
Right? Aside from throwing down with his homeboys, and running... waddling his mouth off about playing in the NFL, no one has been forced to watch his clinically overweight ass jump up and down, or daddy Garnett scold big baby Glen Davis on Sportscenter.
The Boston Celtics are the only people missing Glen Davis less than myself. Are the 16-4 Celtics to believe they will be anything but fatter and slower upon his arrival in two weeks? If you don't believe 85% of Glen Davis's rehabilitative workout regimen involved bicep curls of Cheetos, I've got a sandbox in Florida for sale.
Two more weeks until we get to see this... and this.... and of course again, this.
- Gettin' Old
That one Allen Iverson press conference was painful. No, not practice, not a game, this one. It's pain is drawn from the realization that AI is no longer relevant, even if he is. Ty Lawson was born in 1987, he was 10 years old in Allen Iverson's rookie, cross-up Jordan (2:13), season. Every year since Ty Lawson was 12, and until last year, Allen Iverson has been in the playoffs. Ty Lawson, and the Facebook generation grew up with Allen Iverson being at very least worth conversation for half their lives, now no one really wants him on their team.
Even if AI can still drop 26 points a game, no one talks Iverson-Shaq-Duncan anymore. It's all about Kobe-Lebron-shouldbeMelo. That press conference was Shakespearean tragedy; it looked like a hero's realization of his own mortality. "I mean I crossed up Jordan and I can't get a job at a salary above the league minimum?" Damn AI, here's five bucks, It's all I got.
Allen Iverson was this ten year old Denver transplant's first favorite NBAer. The hip-hop culture, tattoo wearing, unstoppably athletic drives to the basket, and points and steals per game have already been done before, Lebron James. Allen Iverson did it.
As Nugget fan watched Duncan, Ginobili, Parker and the Spurs be too old, NBA fan has so too watched the foreshadowing of Iverson's retirement. Big time careers are starting to wind down, I'm looking at you Garnett, Nash, Artest, and the rest of you.
I'm just sayin' find me a contending team with it's four core players under 28 years old.
(Anthony 25, Lawson 22, Nene 27, Smith 24... even Afflalo 24.)
- Who the hell is Anthony Carter?
Oh, that guy? Didn't he used to play for the Nuggets or something? Wait, that guy started for the Nuggets?
We've come a long way baby. Thank you Mark Warkentein for being Jewish and attracting such wealth to the Denver Nuggets. The market is bullish on the Nuggets.
I've always been hard on the "east coast bias" that has perennially, if only in my own mind, underrated the Nuggets. But the truth is, the criticism was valid. Everyone that frustrated me on the court so much that I ended up hating them is gone from the team. I used to hate Eduardo Najera, the Mexican Glen Davis sans 100lbs, for jacking up three's, for having no left hand, no vertical jump and that weak haircut. Now, he's in the NBA hell that is New Jersey. I used to hate Marcus Camby's behind the head, rainbow arching, "favorite shot" from the top of the key when he should have been around the basket. Off with you to the bowels that are the L.A. Clippers! I used to hate Linas Kleiza being an invertebrate. Now, the Greek league gets to watch Linas the menace brick threes in a contract year. I used to hate the Anthony Carter's party faux pas. Now, who the hell is Anthony Carter? I am the self-actualized Nugget fan, completely content with pretty much every player on the team. Who beside Malik Allen and Johan Petro is there to hate anymore? The most frustrating player this year has been Chauncey Billups, and if he's the worst player on the team, then I think I'll have a coke.
If I could paint, I would paint a mural of Anthony Carter driving off into the sunset on a road to nowhere-in-particular, waving to us behind him from his little red convertible. "God speed AC." I'd like to think he'd be blasting Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" on the way to looking for that beach at the end of Shawshank Redemption... Zi-huatane-o. He gave one-hundred percent to this team, and while we've had some laughs and mainly tears, Ty Lawson is exponentially better than you, and George Karl realizes it.
- Alright let's try this again, raise your hand if you haven't had sex with Tiger Woods.
Whoops how'd that get in there. If we have learned anything from the Tiger Woods "scandal," it is that Tiger Woods is a pompous ass who's good at golf. More importantly however, we learned legal names that contain pronouns and adjectives that can be used during sex like "Tiger," "Magic," "Johnson," and "Magic Johnson," have a direct correlation to how much these people get laid! Consider myself Amazing Bonner. Tiger's wood, Magic's johnson, Amazing's bonner... bulletproof, now to just avoid a disease...
- Tack Kiki Vandeghwe to the list of people that suck at their jobs and still have one.
While we can thank Mark Warkentein, we can curse Kiki. The man who passed on Amare Stoudamire for Nickolai Tskitisvili, the man who signed K-Mart to a contract larger than the K-Mart company's net book value, the man that loved the aforementioned Eduardo Najera so much he brought him with him to New Jersey. How's that going for you never-gonna-get Lebron Nets? If you're keeping track, the list consists of Dan Hawkins, Jake Delhomme, Bill Hanzlik, Kiki Vandeghwe.
-Lebron James is even more annoying than last year.
There is a level of celebrity in which people who are natural ego-maniacs literally live in their own world. No one in the real world is so overwhelmed with the joy of being in love that it causes them to jump up and down like a three year old on Oprah's big couch. When I watch Tom Cruise demonstrating the full spectrum of jackass he can be, I can't help but think how disconnected he is with the world. If he wasn't an actor, he'd be a freak.
This alternate state of reality known as the "Tom Cruise plane of existence" is not limited to the title character. This season, we have watched as Lebron voluntarily informed the public that he smoked weed in high school. Um, cool, who asked? Lebron danced on the sideline during a rout of the Chicago Bulls without so much as a fine or statement from the league. Only people on the Tom Cruise plane of existence can make me side with Joakim Noah. In case you were wondering, Lebron does think he can be an All-pro tight end in the NFL. By the way, I still have as many NBA championships as Lebron James, and could dominate the MLB if I wanted to.
Tom Cruise Plane of existence is not limited to athletes and actors. I recommend the Jersey Shore, this trailer, and primarily what happens at minute 1:21. Needless to say these background dudes shared my exact same reaction. This sums up the plane, the people who live in it, how they think, and how disconnected from society I feel.
- Called it.
Is everybody having fun in this 2009-10 NBA season, also known as the breakout year of Carmelo Anthony? I know I am...
"It's easy to say that, but then if you go out there and not do it, or if you win in the regular season and not in the playoffs, then people will say that you don't care about winning. But how can you say that? It's not like I went out there and tried to lose all those games in the playoffs. . . . You start winning games in the playoffs, then people start saying that everything has changed." -Carmelo Anthony
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I'm just happy Karl got over his fascination with AC. During playoffs and offseason, furious George had more interest in AC than the rest of the metro area combined. I also would have preferred Dahntay over Afflalo so far, especially considering the way the D collapses without Kmart.
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