Last week: 7-8
All Time: 95-87
CLEVELAND BROWNS (+10.5) cover Pittsburgh Steelers
Death. Taxes. Carmelo Anthony scoring at least 20 points a game. The Steelers' inability to cover big spreads. Those are the only inevitabilities in life.
Call me what you will, but when Mike Tomlin starts using big words and run-on sentences to say "changes will be made," I think it's code for "I'm going to put a cap in someone's ass." Don't be surprised to find out CB William Gay "shot himself" in the leg with his "own gun" at a club next week if he gets once again toasted by another no name reciever like, Muhammed Massaquoi.
Conspiracy theory might say the Steelers have never really dominated an entire season and gone on to win a super bowl at a strong time in the league. First, the 2005 Steelers backed in the playoffs as the sixth-seeded team. So maybe 11-5 isn't exactly "backing in," but six seed none-the-less. Steel-town sends an assassin to take out Carson Palmer's knee the first series and wins the first playoff game. Jerome Bettis handed the game, literally, to the Indianapolis Colts, and Mike Vanderjact kicked it right back in the divisional round. Followed by a Jake Plummer led Bronco team in the AFC Championship? Please. Tack the historically dominant ... passive Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl, and it may very well be the easiest path to the Super Bowl title in history.... well, I guess they did play perennial chump Arizona in 2008.
If history tells us anything it is that the Steelers are the poster-child of consistency. Always pretty good, always hanging around, never really dominant. Could this explain why Pittsburgh went 8-8 and missed the playoffs the year after they won the super bowl (2006)? A pretty good team can sneak up on others, and in a down year, beat everyone in the league. However, a pretty good team with a target on its back will eventually show their true colors. A pretty good team doesn't cover double-digit point spreads against 3-8 teams.
So let's not fool ourselves. Yeah, the Steelers are pretty good, and without Troy Polamalu, they're just alright. Otherwise, there are just too many other good teams this year. Playoff birth this year? Maybe, but history says no.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-7) over Denver Broncos
The undefeated label on the Colts is annoying. I just don't see it Bronco fan.... but I never do.
Cincinnati Bengals (+7) cover MINNESOTA VIKINGS
It is unclear whether or not Chad Ochocinco understands the concept of currency, and that is why he is awesome.
I am reminded about a conversation that happened in the most recent season of HBO's "Hard Knocks." In one of the episodes, head coach Marvin Lewis had a discussion explaining the banking system to Chad Ochocinco. In an innocent, and perhaps satirical jab at the banking system, conversation Ochocinco could not understand how a bank could lend out his money to other people. Word Chad.
But so what, if someone put him through Intro to Finance 1001, no one is seeing a thirty thousand dollar sombrero on the field. It is the equivalent of telling your two year old cousin Santa isn't real. Let these people dream that there is a fat man dressed in a red suit that travels by flying reindeer, or that thirty-K isn't very much money. It's worth it.
New York Jets (-3) over TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
So Kellen Clemons and the Jets are still playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers right? Just checking.
Seattle Seahawks (+5.5) cover HOUSTON TEXANS
I'm putting the Seattle Seahawks in with the Denver Broncos in teams that need to desperately change/update their uniforms. Can't quite decide whether that "rainy teal" color or awesome orange "pant swoosh" is more Arena League. As if Kyle Orton wasn't ugly enough. I mean if you want to make that you're identity then fine. Just change your names to the Seattle "Storm" and Denver "Destroyers." Pick one. <--- colorblind vs. swoosh!---->
Buffalo Bills (even) over KANSAS SHITTY CHIEFS
Ah man, courtesy flush NFL.
New Orleans (-11) over ATLANTA FALCONS
The Saints' quality is defined by their ability to dominate despite blowing the third pick in the draft on Reggie Bush.
CHICAGO BEARS (+3) over Green Bay Packers
Not so much a vote of confidence in the Bears so much as a vote of no confidence in Supreme Chancellor Valorum... the Green Bay Packers offensive line.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (-13.5) over Detroit Lions
I'm speechless.
Miami Dolphins (+3) over JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
Here's betting this game determines Jacksonville NOT getting a wild card spot.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Carolina Panthers
Adalius Thomas was not happy about being sent home after arriving late to team meetings on Wednesday. Grab a cushion, the Mahatma Adalius Thomas is about to drop some philosophy...
"I don't try to figure it out. I really don't. I could care less what the reason is. I seek to understand, not to be understood. I'm done with all the phonetics, trying to figure it out. I'm really done with that. Whatever I'm asked to do, I'm gonna do."
Very zen. It really is important to put all of life's phonetics behind us. If we as a society remain stuck on the proper pronunciation of harassment, crevasse, Colorado, how will we ever move beyond the hatred that keeps us killing each other. Let's all be like Adlaius.
TENNESSEE TITANS (-13) over St. Louis Rams
Ah sick what is that?
OAKLAND RAIDERS (+1) over Washington Redskins
Come on man! Courtesy flush! Please!
DALLAS COWBOYS (-3) vs. San Diego Chargers
The beautifully sad thing about the Cowboys recent loss to the Giants was that it wasn't Romo's fault. An unacceptable punt return, and paper mache defense can take the blame for this one. Even Roy Williams caught two touchdowns!
Now, with the questions swirling yet again, the NFL's December retard takes on its prized Thoroughbred. The chargers are 16-0 in their last 4 Decembers. Tony Romo will also be reassuming the holder position for field goals. My nuts feel like they're in a vice.
New York Giants (-1) over PHILTHADELPHIA EAGLES
Ugh, for almost definitely the last time barring a miracle via tiebreak... TOP OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN DIVISION TO YOU!
Arizona Cardinals (-3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO 49ers
'Zona=Darkhorse... again
"how we makin' money on the buffs this week": Buffs (-3)
This section ain't dead. The University of Colorado Basketball team will travel to Colorado State to take on the 5-3 Rammies.
It should be noted that the University is 7-2 in this most recent decade against State. Like football, the all-time head to head matchup does not imply a rivalry (86-35 Buffs). Jeff Bzdelik is 6-0 all time against State. Alec Burks is the truth. What more do you need to know? Free money.
Comments, Criticisms, and Creole
Greg says: I think I'm the only person left who doesn't care about golf, or Tiger Woods. I don't even know much about him, besides the fact that he seems to be the sport's Barack Obama.
I'm torn on his speech. Hypocritical and arrogant though he is, the-gentleman-formerly-known-as-Tiger's message about privacy makes sense to me. We, by which I mean the general public, shouldn't be getting off at the drama of celebrities, who we likewise shouldn't be over-idolizing by throwing them paychecks the size of which would bring a tear to the eye of the Ethiopian Finance Minister.
So yeah, he's a prick (Whose game has about as much legitimacy being called a sport as does Cup Stacking or Call of Duty), but he still deserves privacy. I just hope he can have his privacy and lose a few endorsement deals, to let him know that what he did was not OK.
First off, yes. Golf is a game, not a sport. But that doesn't make it not cool. Go to a driving range and see how you do.
I personally don't think this really has much to do with celebrity. It's freaking Tiger Woods, is anyone surprised he gets offered sex a lot! The thing is, corporations have built his image up like he is the premier role model for people ages one to one hundred. He is being paid to be a role model. That's his job. Ever since we first saw a black man dominate a white man's game, it's for some reason been a foregone conclusion that he acts like all the other 50 year old white conservative schmucks in golf pants that played the game before.
So, while I agree that his speech was hypocritical and arrogant, I also believe that his speech is wrong. It's his job to be a model citizen. Chances are he has never had a real job so can't quite grasp this concept, but when you don't do your job by doing anything with a hole, it's the right of the employers (media, corporations) to get theirs. I agree that we as a society shouldn't be lobotomized idol-worshipers, at the same time, that's never going to change and to differ this to another issue is giving Tiger a free pass. He wouldn't have to worry about his privacy if he wasn't screwing Perkins waitresses. I had no idea Tiger looking up girls dresses and not studying the right choice of soap in those commercials..
Posts
If I went to a driving range, yeah, my level of terrible would probable make my white bread ancestors do triple-lutzes in their polished mahogany graves. But go to a cup stacking tournament and see how you do. And as everybody knows, cup stacking... not cool.
ReplyDeleteI don't want my comments to turn into an ongoing conversation on a subject you talked about weeks ago, so I'll finish up my thoughts on the Dawson's Creekesque Tiger crisis here. It's becoming dangerously unfunny.
It has a lot to do with celebrity. Every celebrity, both in entertainment and out of it, is some kind of rolemodel, whether their commercials show them playfully tossing footballs at kids on the White House lawn or not. Regardless of his endorsement deals, when Tiger became a rolemodel, his privacy flew away. There could lie to seed to his jackassery. I think never getting a break from the public has a lot to do with him becoming (if he wasn't always) a prick.
And unfortunately, just like Tiger will likely never get any privacy, the public will likely forget about this scandal in a year or two, in effect giving him that free pass in the style of Kobe Bryant. He'll win another Masters, or... I dunno... whatever golf championship really gets grandpa excited watching TV on a slow Saturday afternoon, and he'll be home free. As you can see, I think a lot of the problem has to do with a lack of privacy. So my first comment was kind of a lamely designed attack on that issue, thrown aimlessly on your blog wall.