Transgressions

Did you know Eldrick "Tiger" Woods cheated on his wife?

Reading between the lines of Tiger's "apology":

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions (oh? so that would be more than one transgression, as in more than one woman? only Tiger Woods can make "transgression" the word du jour and code for midnight romps behind your wife's back) with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. (cumming... pun... from a man who demands perfection from himself on the golf course, this is quite an admission. I wonder if Tiger slammed the condom to the ground after a curse-laden tirade post-coital relations.)  I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.(wait...this can't possibly be the beginning of a lecture?)

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. (awww... poor little Eldrick...wait, you cheated on your wife!... sorry... you transgressed on your wife! your family isn't being hounded to expose intimate details of your personal lives, you, Eldrick, are the only one in your family that "transgressed." You'd think you would have realized your personal media coverage when you dropped a fart at the Buick, not Cadillac, open. the only moral issue here is adultery, you can't make this another issue.) 

The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. (or utterly true and frightening, but if I don't lie about this too she might take that nine iron to my face next time.) Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.(She will also be receiving a 15 million dollar rock, and I will be selling the commercial rights to Kay jewelers)

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue (take it from me kids, always be virtuous) of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions. (then give your endorsement money back.)

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought (balls deep for about 31 months worth) and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.(you always have been a man of principle Eldrick, like when you sank that putt behind your wife's back in a hotel penthouse..)

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology. 

Normally I wouldn't care or comment on a celebrity scandal that doesn't affect the outcome of a sporting event I care about. However, with this statement, Eldrick (sounds dirty to call him 'tiger' anymore) Woods has jolted himself perhaps above Brett Favre and Lebron James as the most arrogant, pompous, "better-than-you" athletes in the modern era.


I've never understood why athletes get married before age 40. I understand a male's sex-drive, I understand the abundance of fast times and fast women that throw themselves at professional athletes, and I understand that Eldrick is probably the most famous athlete in the world.

Chances are, that when I'm thirty years old, marriage will make sense because among other things, the pickens of women that want to sleep with me will be slim.

So I'm not surprised Eldrick is an adulterer, I'm just surprised at his arrogance. Rather than owning up to his "transgressions" in front of the media that makes him famous, and gives him his money, his "apology" is nothing more than a lecture to everyone to leave him alone. Being a billion-dollar endorsed athlete does not give you liberty to choose when you want to be famous, and when you don't want to be famous. The media didn't cheat... damnit, transgress... on your wife, Eldrick, you did.

Last week: 7-8
All time: 88-79

(A refresher on these picks. They are against the spread. So if I pick the Buffalo Bills (+3), I am picking the Bills to lose by less than 3 points, or win. Conversely, a pick for the Jets (-3) would mean they win by more than 3.)


BUFFALO BILLS (+3) over New York Football Jets

To start Terrell Owens, or not to start Terrell Owens, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and decide to start his ass in fantasy football, or to take arms against his sea of troubles, and by opposing leave him benched.

KANSAS SHITTY CHIEFS (+5) cover Denver Broncos

At Kansas Shitty, at Indianapolis, home vs Joakland, at Philthy, home vs Kansas shitty. The broncos need to win three more games to pretty much guarantee a playoff birth. That makes this game a must win, unless Bronco fan sees themselves winning in undefeated Indianapolis, or a battling for the division and playoff Philadelphia.


Big Mac's MF-bomb was awesome. Damnit, that's two in-game instances I've like Big Mac for. No matter, it doesn't make up for the "transgressions" that traded away a quarterback that can throw more than 20 yards (this is me still doubting Noodlearm Neckbeard), and the arrogance he has after finally winning his first of the last five games.

I said it before, the Broncos do not want to lose the "no one thinks we're any good" mentality. They have not the talent to compete with the big boys week in and week out unless they have the motivation of world-wide disrespect. The Broncos can't handle expectation, they can't handle being the hunted, and they struggle in KC. They HAVE to win this game.

Joakland Raiders (+14.5) cover PITTSBURGH STEELERS

Steelers and big spreads, what do you know about it? The last time this was questioned, they blew a 13 point spread, and LOST to Kansas Shitty.


How does it feel Steeler fan? Does it seem like the media wants to create drama that distracts your football team. Do you think the Hines Ward comments were blown out of proportion, and the attempt to divide the lockerroom is bullshit? Welcome to the spotlight. Praise God "Melrose Place" has been moved from Dallas to Pittsburgh.


Houston Texans (even) over JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

It's time for Mr. Kubiak to start crackin' skulls and yelling at his players. This pretty close routine is tired... light em up a fire coach!


MIAMI DOLPHINS (+4.5) cover New England Patriots

Ricky Williams + Patriot Killers + Pats' 0-4 road record = Dolphins win? I'll buy.


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+9) CAROLINA PANTHERS


I'm not letting this spread fool me into thinking the Panthers are anything better than mediocre.

In this horrible economy, and the unemployment rate much too high, it's hard to see people that are horrible at their job and still get to keep it. Think if you were personally as bad at your job as Jake Delhomme, Dan Hawkins, or Bill Hanzlik, would your boss keep you? In this economy? It's offensive to the thousands of unemployed that are forced to sit and watch these clowns get paid millions for the equivalent of showing up to work drunk.

CHICAGO BEARS (-9) over St. Louis Rams

A little humble pie for thanksgiving can't do anything but help ol Jay Cutler.

CINCINNATI BENGALS (-13) over Detroit Lions

Can anyone believe that the Bungles completely swept their division?


Larry Johnson's homophobic slur was the best career move he's ever made. If dropping a bomb like that get's me a foot in the door of a successful franchise/company then.... FAG!

Tennessee Titans (+7) over INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

The bye week is a hell of a drug. After their respective bye weeks the Broncos: 1-4, the Titans: 5-0. Is it possible that one goes to the playoffs while the other does not? yup. 


Chris Johnson is the best runningback in the league... that goes for you too Adrian Peterson.

New Orleans Saints (-9.5) over WASHINGTON REDSKINS

Would anyone be angry to see one of the worst franchises in the history of the NFL be the first team to go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl? I guess I'm just saying if I can't see the Cowboys do it... go 'Aints.


P.S. Top of the division to you Redskins!

Philthadelphia Eagles (-5.5) over ATLANTA FALCONS

Ask Marion Barber last year about the impact of turf toe. Matty-ice is probably not alright, and neither are the Falcons chances of making the playoffs. Drop a homophobic slur, Tony Gonzalez, it's the only way to get yourself on a championship contender.

P.S. Top of the division to you too Eagles!

San Diego Chargers (-13) over CLEVELAND BROWNIES

See? Another late season fantasy run for LaDainian Tomlinson that will end up making him not such a bad fantasy pickup after all. Someone take old yeller (the browns) out back and put him down already.


SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (even) over San Francisco 49ers

Nuva Ring. 


Dallas Cowboys (-2.5) against NEW YORK GIANTS

It's officially the first week of December... which means it's officially time for Romo's sphincter to tighten up air-tight.


I have remained successful by not picking Dallas Cowboy games, they have gone 2-0 since I have forgone expectation and I see no reason to change things now. Especially with this daunting December schedule remaining:

at New York
home vs. San Diego
at New Orleans
at Washington
home vs Philly

ugh.

So for possibly the last time this season... Top of the division to you everybody!

ARIZONA CARDINALS (+5.5) cover Minnesota Vikings

How awesome was Vince Young punking Matt Lienart on the final drive... again.


Baltimore Ravens (+3) over GREEN BAY PACKERS

Running game and Defense vs Passing game... eh... whatev.



Comments, criticisms, and creole:


Greg writes: All right, you called the Broncos getting blindsided by the hype wagon. I'll give you that. Being a Cowboys fan, nobody can see that catastrophe coming from farther away than you.

But now the hype is going against the Broncos again. In an NFL.com survey, 70% of the roughly 22,000 people who voted said that the Chargers would take this matchup. It looks like the same old story we've seen before: Denver gets an early lead, San Diego falters, then recovers just in time to treat the good citizens of Colorado to a strong helping of shame to go with their Thanksgiving turkey. Yum.

Call me bananas, but that's not going to happen this year.

This is a different team, with a different frame of mind. Win or lose this Sunday, being considered an underdog again will be enough for the Denver Broncos to pick themselves up, dust off the tiara and glass slippers, and become a Cinderella story again.

Oh, you'll see another fist pump.

Also- I sincerely hope that Bret Favre plays until he's 50. I want to see an NFL player whose health insurance is covered by the AARP.

That's all I was really saying. The Broncos really don't want to lose that edge, it's the only way they can make up for the lack of talent, and depth on the defensive line.


Having said that (Curb your enthusiasm reference), it doesn't mean the Broncos are going to be able to channel this to get into the playoffs. In fact I'll lay it out right now. Broncos lose their playoff spot to the Pittsburgh Steelers and Tennessee Titans. Have fun debating whether or not the Broncos should burn a first round pick on a quarterback next year, thus forgetting about the defense... again.

Somebody give Brett Favre a concussion already.