Assosiation Observations

... and we're back. Pump up this jam..

Bless me Father for i have sinned, it's been exactly one month since my last confession...

As you start to get amped up from the genius that is John Tesh, his puffy shrited guitarist, and his war admiral violinist, be reminded of big business's crushing effect on creativity. I've got some things to get off my chest.

- First off, I'm not worried about it. 

Call me overly optimistic, call me a fool, but when the Nuggets drop games to the likes of Washington, Minnesota, Sacramento, I'm just really not worried about it. Are the Nuggets going for the best record in the league... or to win a championship?

In the last ten years here's how the NBA Champions finished in overall record standings:

2001: Los Angeles Lakers (56-26: tied for 2nd overall)
2002: Los Angeles Lakers (58-24: tied for 2nd overall)
2003: San Antonio Spurs (60-22 tied for 1st)
2004: Detroit Pistons (54-28: 6th overall)
2005: San Antonio Spurs (59-23: 3rd overall)
2006: Miami Heat (52-30: 5th overall)
2007: San Antonio Spurs (58-24: 3rd overall)
2008: Boston Celtics (66-16: 1st overall)
2009: Los Angeles Lakers (65-17: 2nd overall)
2010: ???

So there it is. According the the trending of the last decade, the team with the best record in the NBA at the end of the season wins a championship about once every five years. So if you're asking me if I'm worried about losing to the Washington Wizards on the second game of a road trip back-to-back... Not when we beat the Cavaliers the night before. I guess my championship dreams would be dampened a little bit if we had a seven game series with Sacramento (nugs are 2-2 against this season) or the Wiz (1-1 this season).... but it's much more probable the Nugs in the end, go through the Utah Jazz (3-1 this season), Boston Celtics (1-0), Orlando Magic (1-0), Los Angeles Lakers (2-1) or Cleveland Cavaliers (2-0).

So I know it's frustrating to watch the Nugs not play up to their championship potential every night but... I'm about as worried about it as falling into a gorge of stampeding wildebeast Mufasa style. Keep your best record in the NBA Lebron, and your team of role players.

...And that goes for the 2 seed as well. The league has watched Utah make it's run to pull within a half game of the Nuggets... now they're three games back. Dallas went on a 13 game win streak against teams that currently should be playing in the college NIT tournament... and they are still a half game back. If you're feeling a little nervous about any of these teams, take a sip of Jack Daniels, close your eyes, and come to the realization that the Nuggets have gone 8-2 in their last 10 games while playing Johan Petro instead of Kenyon Martin, and Anthony Carter instead of Tywon Lawson. See you in the Conference Finals Lake Show.

- The thing about john mayer... 

So, I decide I want my face melted by a some guitar virtuosos. In the name of haste I quickly type Jimi Hendrix into my iTunes song search. Shift + end. Select all. Drag into "untitled playlist 3." I quickly type "White Stripes" next into my song search. Shift + end. Select all. Drag into "untitled playlist 3." And there it is, I'm a "shuffle" and a "play" away from my personal guitar listening nirvana.

Buzz Killington.. thy name is john mayer.

..and he affects all three parts of my psyche. (start rollin' in that grave Mr. Freud)

My "id" is fightin' mad: 


I want names. Let's be clear about this. I did NOT put john mayer in my untitled guitar super playlist. Which means someone did.

Without getting into the gory details of the embarrassing plots I came up with, I finally retrace my steps, and deduce that 5 john mayer songs are listed when one types the letters "Jimi Hendrix" in the iTunes search bar.

Jimi. Hendrix.

Not only is this an intrusion into my (sedated) state of listening, but an actual association between the greatest guitar player of all time.. and some cheap romantic comedy interpretation..

So who wants to go? I'll throw down right now. Someone, in some cubicle, decided to program john mayer's songs to pop up when Jimi was typed into a search window. It was then OK'd by that someone's manager, which was OK'd by another manager. So either it is the greatest line of stupidity since Millen's draft choices, or the greatest disregard of Sarbanes-Oxely and it's rules of delegation of responsibility, since Arthur Andersen and Enron. Either way, when I see a song titled "slow dancing in a burning room" someone has to pay...

My "ego" understands ladies...

I just don't want to have sex with john mayer.

And it's totally cool that you do. After I saw Jessica Simpson fat in the mom jeans, I would have only hooked up with her for the story... After being described as "sexual napalm" (what does that even mean?) by John Mayer? I might be ready to sacrifice a body part for the opportunity.

Look, I just treat john mayer the same way I treat popular movies like "The Notebook."  Try and stay away, unless it ends up getting me laid, then I'll choke through it. Really, as a cockbearing, ball dangling, red-blooded, heterosexual man.. isn't that all you can ask for?

So I'm cool with john mayer being a successful "mucisian." I'm cool with the fact that he hooks up with girls I can only fantasize about. I'm even cool with the fact that he thinks he's keeping the blues alive... wait no I'm not..

But come on...

My "Superego" and yours are realists...

Just don't put him in the same association with James Marshall Hendrix. It's just unfair to both of them.

I know the question is, why do you have john mayer on your itunes to begin with? A valid concern of which i can only point to my recent collection of music from a number of people. mayer has since been promptly removed.

anyway...

You can't compare the aforementioned "notebook's" plot to that of an "Amadeus." Don't give me the, just cause it's made for women, doesn't mean it sucks. Yes, it does. There is something to be said about this taste. There more women that like "Godfather" then there are men that like "twilight?" Why is that?

Exactly.

This is why I'm offended with the association. I'm even more offended that john mayer probably thinks this association is fair. So maybe I didn't do the best job explaining why I do not like john mayer. I know he hangs out with "cool guys" like rob dyrdrek and the like... but..
.
I just don't want to have sex with john mayer.

- This one's.... for George...

Now I'm not trying to make light of a potentially life threatening situation... but... did someone say rally time?

The bad news of course: George Karl has to suffer through roughly 6 weeks of chemotherapy, can barely talk, and is missing more games than anticipated when this was first announced. 

The good news: It's highly treatable, and possibly more influential...

First off, cancer patients have another famous person to rally behind, and if that inspires even a little bit of hope, awesome. Second, and less importantly, the Nuggets players have a "cliche sports movie moment" that could provide a reservoir of inspiration when the inevitable moment of adversity stares them in the face. Queue the dramatic high string violins..

Maybe this is what gets J.R. Smith to listen to George.. if only once. Maybe this is what motivates the Nugs to hold their defense in the final fluerry of game winning shot attempts by Kobe Bryant. Maybe this is what focuses Carmelo Anthony that much more when the ball is in his hands with the game on the line. When George Karl is hoisted... ok maybe forklifted... onto the shoulders of a championship Nuggets team, who wants the movie rights?

More seriously, wouldn't you be more worried if Chauncey Billups wasn't already the coach on the floor? Ever since he got here we've acknowledged George Karl's seemingly good system, but it was never put into practice until the Nugs heard it come from Chauncey's mouth.... I ain't worried about it. Live Strong George.

- Earl Smith III

There should really be a conscious effort to publicly change J.R.'s name to it's original intended "Earl." There is not a more badass nickname in all the league than the "Earl of Swish."

Also, remember when J.R. was slumping? Yeah, not anymore. Before the All-Star break, J.R was shooting 22% from 3 point range. Now, the season average is back up to 34%. Please remember this next season when JR inevitably gets off to a slow start, prompting trade rumors at the deadline, all of you agreeing with the rumors, and then watching JR transform back into Earl in the second half of the season. Thanks.


- New NBA Jam 2010

EA Sports has announced the return of the NBA Jam franchise that captivated video gamers like me back in the 90's.

For those of you who have no context. This was 90's basketball arcade game in which you would play with NBA teams of two (maybe John Stockton and Karl Malone was your favorite Jazz combo, or John Starks and Patrick Ewing got you fired up) against each other. This is the pop culture reference that brought "on fire" into the game of beer pong people. This is no chump asteroids game, this is ingrained into the fabric of society.

So, the real question is. With the setup expected to be 2 on 2 with one sub. Who are your three Denver Nuggets?

Obviously Carmelo Anthony (with cornrows hopefully) gets the start, which leaves two others.

My nominees:

Earl Smith III: In a game reliant on dunks and 3 pointers, how can you not include him. In fact, Earl Smith III might be the greatest NBA Jam player on the planet. hmmm...

Birdman: Got to have a place for the shotblocking white man.

Kenyon Martin: Shotblocker and dunker... though i must say I would lean towards a virtual birdman...

Ty Lawson: Transition game is key... if you can outrun everyone down the floor, then huck up the alley-oop? can you be stopped?

(feedback needed)

- The All-Glen Davis Team

Everyone else can dish out awards. Why can't I?

To be included on the "all-Glen Davis" team you must acheive one thing primarily. The committee of one must despise you. But not without reason!

1. Have some physical characteristic that enables a certain style of play. (example: glen davis's fat ass prohibiting high jumping)
2. Have some personality trait off the court that is annoying. (example: glen davis trying to change his nickname from "big baby" to "uno uno" upon the first suggestion from a reporter)
3. Be a notorious "flopper." (example: glen davis vs. brad miller in the playoffs last year.)
4. Must not be that good/overrated.
5. Be rewarded by extended contracts, traded for, or playing time for all of the above.

2009-2010 All-Glen Davis team:

G: Kevin Martin: Houston Rockets.

If you're wondering how a girl would play in the NBA, watch Kevin Martin. From his slight frame, to his flops he is the most frustrating player to watch because, he's not really that good, and the refs have a happy whistle. He even shoots like a girl. Rockets gave up Carl Landry and draft picks at the deadline to acquire him.

G: JJ Barea: Dallas Mavericks

Is it Jose Juan, Juan Jose, Jose Ole? Regardless, it doesn't flow off the tongue, and is so annoying I refuse to look it up. Like a little gnat all he does is hustle and irritate. He gets paid more than Ty Lawson, and will always remain the poor man's version of said.

F: Glen Davis: Boston Celtics

How could Glen Davis not make his own all-team?

F: Lebron James: Cleveland Cava... alright alright... Drew Gooden: Washington Wizards

The seasoned veteran of the all-glen davis team. I'm not sure what exactly made me hate him the most. His clanky jumpshot, his un-athleticism, or that hair patch he once sported on an otherwise bald head with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Despite all of this, eight teams have signed him to their roster, only to realize the aforementioned, and then dumped him. I swear GM's don't watch basketball games.

C: Emeka Okafur: New Orleans Hornets

If 6'9" center doesn't say it, I don't know what does. Remember, that this is who Jordan drafted number 1 over Dwight Howard. .. (brain fart)

(submit nominations if you've got em)

- Michael Jordan will be a good owner so long as...

All he does is write checks.

MJ owning a team in the league is good for the NBA. Especially since he vows to revamp the image of the franchise, including a makeover of the sweet nickname the "bobcats" (grrrrr..they're gonna get ya!) Jordan is too rich and lazy to be a GM, so what do you do if you are too rich and lazy? own a sports franchise of course. Do work your airness.

- Anthony Carter = Gollum from Lord of the Rings

I channel my inner nerd and remember this quote from Gandalf in Lord of the Rings regarding the creature Gollum:

"Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over."

I hear that white wizard. Before this is all said and done, our bumbling back-up, back-up, point guard will play some role in the outcome of the Nuggets title aspirations. Yet, if it's a timely three, or a pass out of bounds remains to be seen.

- "The Eiffel Tower"

The best nickname I've heard to describe Johan Petro. Credit Jerry Pie.

- It feels good to be back

Your humble writer is all corporate now. Recent cash influx has taken me away from this and to a month long period of hedonism. I'll get it back. Follow me on twitter: freelanceword for some of that business. Thanks for reading.

- Carmelo Anthony is the best player in the league.

Yeah I said it. 28 pts 18 rbs if you need it...