Lance: 1-2

Prologue..


The “Lewis Trilemma” is a theological theory created by C.S. Lewis, of Narnia fame, about the divinity of Jesus. In essence, according to C.S., you must believe JC is either the Lord, a liar, or a lunatic, he can’t be anything else. A pseudo- “the good, the bad, and the ugly” if you will. It all stems from Jesus’s statement that he himself is God. From this statement you can only deduce that he is either trying to deceive everyone into this, he falsely believes this, or he really is, you can’t get out of it… trilemma baby.

Now I could get into a theological debate here, but it’s not the venue, and I don’t want to anyway.
But anyway it brings me to my point. Fuckin’ Tim Tebow man. Now I’m not saying TT is JC, but I bet my life savings if you ask Tebow he will say he’s trying to be as close to him as he can be, he’s the closest thing to JC in the NFL, and Josh McDaniels and the city of Denver has anointed him the “mile-high Messiah,”…. I’m just connecting dots.

So I present to you the “Lance Trilemma.” And it is this; Tim Tebow is either a liar, a lunatic, or the lord (of football of course), there is no other option. He either knows he was propped up by an outrageously talented college team, takes responsibility for it, has had the most sex on U of F’s campus, and feeds everyone crap (liar!), was propped up by an outrageously talented college team, and truly believes he was responsible for it (lunatic!), or damn it Timothy Richard Tebow is the greatest football player of all time. There is no option of mediocrity. Tim Tebow is the greatest quarterback in Denver since John Elway… or he’s the worst quarterback in Denver since John Elway.

Who knows? We have to wait for the gospel of Tim Tebow to be written. Let it begin…

This is the written Gospel of Timothy Richard Tebow according to Lance.

1

1The beginning of the gospel is about Timothy Richard Tebow, a son of God.

2It is written in Isaiah the prophet:

"I will send my messenger ahead of you,

who will prepare your way"

3"a voice of one calling in the mountains,

'Prepare the way for the him,

make straight paths for him.'

The Birth of Tim Tebow Foretold

4It was the year 1985, and the Lord sent an angel to answer the prayer of a woman, Pamela, who was married to a man Robert Ramsey Tebow, a missionary of Florida. 5The angel found Pamela outside the city of Makati, which was in the Philippines, as was customary for Christian missionaries at that time.

6“Do not abort the fetus, a child is to be born to you,” the angel said unto Pamela. 7“But how can this be? Doctors have told me the fetus is damaged after my amebic dysentery induced coma, and subsequent strong medications. They have said that my placenta has detached from the uterine wall, a process known as placental abruption. It deprives the fetus of oxygen and nutrients. The baby is expected to be still born.” Replied Pamela.

8“God has blessed you Pamela, you will have a son, and you will name him Timothy,” proclaimed the angel, “9he is the messiah. He will command men and preach the word. He is sent to lead the people the prophet, John Elway, led through the desert of Super Bowl failure. 10And People will call him the ‘Mile High Messiah.’ And people will mock him behind his back, and people will expect ask him the way to immortality to his face. 11And he will save said people if he succeeds, and will be a ‘born again H-back’ if he fails…. You ready for that gurl?”

12“I am the Lord’s servant,” answered Pamela, “may it be to me as you have said.”

2

The Birth of Tim Tebow

1So Pamela trusted in the Lord, and did not abort though her life was in jeopardy. The time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her first born, a son. 2She wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because in the Phillipines, you don’t want to go to the inn. 3The child was skinny, but long, as a result of being malnourished. And He was named Timothy, which means “honoring God.”

The Broncos Fans and the Angels

4And there were Bronco Fans keeping watch on their TV’s at night. 5An angel of ESPN, Erin Andrews, appeared to them, and they were terrified. 6But the Angel said, “do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all you chosen people. 7Today, in the land of Manny Pacquiao, a savior has been born to you. He is the athletic word become flesh, the chosen one to bring your athletic community out of destitute. 8This will be a sign to you, you will find a baby wrapped in cloth lying in a manger.

9So Broncos fans remained hopeful, and they spread the word that the second coming of Elway was at hand.

…to be continued….




Source:

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20071007/NEWS/710060317?tc=ar